the hellish claptrap of the workday made me want to light my own hair on fire and watch that bouffant baby burn. Talk about a hell of a day. I think the Doctors wanted to kill everyone as I wanted to kill the opticians who wanted to kill the techs who wanted to kill us. and all I could do was sit there and grumble to myself about bullshit a la cart.
arthur called me after dumping me over our non-relationship. i cried. why? because i'm a girl and it's in my genetic makeup to cry like a pansyass when shit like this happens. What makes no sense to me is why. Why was i crying? its not like I loved the guy. it was dates. a good time. nothing life long yet as he made excuses i sobbed. he didnt know.it was all on yahoo. fucking internet disconnects us from actual multi cell organisms. geez
and yet... he called me.
wanted to hang out tonight ... as friends.
i said yes. sure i had an alterior motive to tell his ass off (in a close range to home just in case he kicks me out of the car) but i didnt expect to see him and ... feel something pang in my chest. the ass. apparently i'd become attached and not known it. so there it was. my own freakin major arterie betrayed me over some kind words and a lil cuddling. damned heart.
its okay. i'll survive. he thinks he can top me. pffft. strangest thing though. i found myself angry and hurt. and when he tried to hold my hand... i didn't tell him off.. i whispered a no and told him he had no right touching me after tellin gme he didnt want me. i told him he can't do that. he needs to make a decision and thats on his head not mine. he can't be telling me he want's space then invades mine. PFFFT!!
we went to south mountain. stared down at the city. talked. he understands me now and i don't forgive him. sorry. thems the breaks kid. you fuck with me... you get... left behind. wow... i'm a cold heartless bitch.
well at least i know myself lol
now.. i'm home wondering if it would be totally wrong to chug the rest of the bottle of wine in the fridge. hmmm... i probably shouldnt.