Monday, December 31, 2007

Last Roadtrip of 2007 Part 2

We found a spot where some people had parked and played in the snow… we knew there had to be a hill somewhere to sled down! So we grabbed our sleds and gloves and gear and hiked it, even hopping a barbed wire fence (yeah we’re dangerous like that) into uncharted (except for the footprints from the people before us) territory.

Deeper into the woods we trecked, cold and hysterical with laughter to fill the white silence. I made a snow angel and got shoved into the snow by my dear sister. Don’t worry I took her down with me and smooshed her face in the snow until I felt she was sufficiently drowned in it. Soon we came up to a crest and that ever familiar sound of screeching children.

And there it was. The holy grail of sledding. At least that’s what we thought at the time. Covered in children and their retarded parents, the hill was completely unsledable by us daredevils in our 20’s. Sure, we could have hit the slope but damn if it would have just been hilariously wrong to take out a huge group of kids like bowling pins.


Eearlier into the drive, we’d actually saw a sign that said “$10.00 per car sled all day pass”. So we decided it was worth chocking up the 10 bux. As we pulled up to the little ranger station that was taking our money, he informed us that there was only 25 minutes of sledding left but we were more than welcome to go if we still wanted to. We ended up handing over the last of our cash! headin’ for some sleddin’!

I suddenly realized I had to pee like there was no tomorrow so decided to pee in a port-o-potty. Yeah.., we all know how gross those can be. Well… these were like the f*cking gates to hell! I’m talking sh*t and tp everywhere. I can now safely say that I have mastered the Zen Art of Squatting. Yes that’s right, I squatted, not letting my bare skin touch anything inside the little coffin of sh*t. I tapped into my chi and used the force, to keep balance while I tinkled. And I stepped out… and said “now I know how the cats feel”

Yea Ynnej. CLEAN THE DAMNED LITTER BOX! Hehe. Just kidding.

So we hit the slopes! At first, I was scared outta my mind. I thought “dear god my fat ass is goin to kill people!” which it almost did but damn if it wasn’t for a good time! We chose a slightly bunny-esque slope to start on and worked our way to the more difficult [read: steeper scary as hell] slopes. Yllib was determined to try the biggest one and I was determined to say “F*CK THAT!” as he made his way up the mountain Ynnej and I took at seat at the bottom of the hill, watching as he climbed to the top.

He sat in his little sled and we screamed a cheer for his good name! He pushed off and flew down the mountain! We hooted and hollered our excitement as he flew at breakneck speed! And suddenly, he began to turn. The stupid saucer disc shaped sled turned him and led him into the hardcore rigid tricked out section of the mountain! He hit a bump and caught air! “OOOOHHH” everyone at the bottom of the hill moaned! He sailed through the air as he flipped only to land on his head.

Okay he landed on his back and ass but still. It was pretty hardcore! Hehehe Yllib sat for a moment, shook his head and headed toward us. A little dizzy, a little worse for wear… but damn if the boy wasn’t alive! We picked his stuff up, and headed down toward the cars just in time to hear “TIMES UP FOLKS! PACK IT UP AND HAVE A HAPPY NEW YEAR!” Ynnej and I took one last slide down the cheesy bunny-esque slope and headed home.

The drive back was much of the same as the drive there, except for the insanity of traffic, Ynnej’s brief battle with the 511 traffic call center, the total sleepiness, the cleanest rest stop I’d ever seen, and a lot of Gatorade. We stood in line at a gas station in Anthem for almost 15 minutes for the bathroom which sadly was competitively dirty with the port-o-potty… and drove home listenin to Hotel California as we pulled into the garage.

All in all… it was a damned good last roadtrip of the year. Here’s to 2008’s adventures into … well just adventures.

0_o L

Sunday, December 30, 2007

Last Roadtrip of 2007 Part 1


The last trip of 2007 was something I just had to share. My sister Ynnej and I hit up Flagstaff for the second time this last year. We took her boyfriend Yllib with us as a fun lil companion to frolick in the snow with! YAY! Heh

The drive up wasn’t bad. I mean it’s about a 3 hour drive so a lot of preparation goes into this drive.

1. can we afford gas?
2. how do we get there?
3. will the car explode if we drive for 3 hours straight in any direction?
4. when’s the last time this thing had an oil change?
5. do we have warm clothes for the snow?
6. what is sleet?
7. hydroplaning on the freeway isn’t nor should it ever be an Olympic sport.
8. who controls the music?
9. who is mitch hedberg *sp*?
10. why is Yllib the only one with good snow shoes?
11. Are ankle socks appropriate for the snow?
12. Do I look silly in my stars and moons thermal underwear?

All of these questions and concerns needed to be dealt with. Sadly, we only got to a few on the list.

We finally left (way past the 8 am timeslot we had originally planned on) and headed into the dense smog encrusted highways and byways of downtown phoenix. Poor Yllib. We forced him to listen to dance music, rap music, techno, hiphop, Spanish rock, more techno, and even our driving song. He took it in stride. Ynnej is kinda crazy on the road but thanks to her lawbreaking driving skills, we made it to up flagstaff without losing a limb, passenger or a tire. I’d say she deserves a medal for that. Instead she got hot wings. HEH

We met up with her pal Divad and met his new girlfriend. Who’s name I forget (because I don’t give a crap). I felt like I was in band camp in high school again with the slightly chunky big ear’d boy and his scrawny acne riddled coke bottle glasses wearin’ girlfriend sittin across from us at the table of the sports bar/ wings restaurant. They were a hoot! Uh huh… yeah. I actually love Divad and am glad he’s found a girl to infatuate over. ;p

We said our farewells and headed to Wal-Mart to correct a few things on our list of questions and concerns. I bought a jacket and an insultingly expensive pack of thermal long socks to go with my thermal long underwear. DAMN YOU WALMART AND YOUR BULLSH*T DEALS! I’ve never in my life paid $8.88 for freakin thermal socks! (Mind you, I’ve never bought thermal socks before Heh.) Ynnej thought they’d look hilarious but low and behold… she ended up swiping a pair by the end of the day.

I bought Ynnej an OHIO state hat and yes when referring to OHIO state, OHIO must always be capitalized because she is always yelling it. Yllib bought himself a cool irish hat because he’s well.. IRISH. Duh. So off we went headed to Snow Bowl (which is actually a valley of snow in between some mountains once owned by native Americans but is now called snowbowl because whitey had to make it easy for people to describe, bowl of snow… get it?).

Up the windy road we drove with ynnej bitching and grumbling at the slow cars before us. We took pix while driving, yeah I’m daring like that, and laughed the whole way up. Until we met up with a blockage of the road. This turned out to be middle America’s new version of the surfer… the almighty SNOWBOARDER! Blocking the road in silly yellow day-glow vests telling us that if we were not snowboarders of skiers we’d need to turn around and go back down the mountain. Today’s fresh dump of snow was reserved for the cool kids. Not us nerdy ass non athletic sledders.

Grumbling and bitching, Ynnej made a U-Turn and we headed back down the mountain. Of course at her state of irritation she wanted to go faster and we fishtailed down the mountain. (Thanks God for not letting us die. It’d be really embarrassing to explain to the ‘rents).

Thursday, December 27, 2007

In The Beginning...

Lets catch you up in my life.

First of all.. my name is L. I'm a smart ass with alot of bullshit in her life (yeah ... i'm a girl) and you're goin to get to read about all of it.

so let me tell you about myself.

  1. I'm fat. round. rotund. voluptuous. chunky. chubby. overweight. obese.
  2. I'm of mixed race. this means I grew up with such a f*cking twisted culturally retarded homelife that I have no idea who I am. This also means that I'm pretty much raceless.
  3. I'm one moody ass b*tch. Some days I'm happy as a clam and lovin life, the next I'm wanting to punt small woodland creatures through the goal posts.
  4. I start shit and never finish them. This includes, sewing stuff, knitting stuff, crochetting stuff, cooking stuff, starting blogs, radio shows, novels, drawings, etc. I also start dishes, laundry and other assorted cleaning/organizing without ever finishing.
  5. I'm a financial retard. I can't seem to save a dime to save my life. I spend like Paris with a budget like MC Hammer. yeah.. that bad. I can't seem to remember what it's like to be a smart shopper or a smart anything with money.
  6. I have absolutely no will power against food. I also have no willpower to get my ass up off the couch to work out.

so now that you know how crappy I am... You should also know that in person, I'm probably the most funny person you will ever meet. on here, I'm just a smartass. I love people and I love the human psyche. Sometimes I'll say sh*t just to get a rise out of someone. I want to experience the passion of the reaction. no reaction, no passion. no passion, no love. no love, no life.

I am addicted to the internet. I know this. but... I also know that I can live without. its what happens when you don't pay the bills.

I am caring and sincere and kinda crazy. I love to laugh. thats all I'm ever doing. and that's why I am starting this blog. I was planning on starting it on the new year but damnit, I don't feel like waiting that long. So... I'll start it tonight. Things in my life are going to be changing. Starting with that list above. I WILL be fixing a few things in my life and getting myself grounded so I can be free in the manner that I want to be. Its time to take the lumps and learn the lessons. Its time to grow up. and with growing up.. learning to be me completely and utterly but not f*ck up royally anymore. :)

Thats why I haven't just up and quit my job yet.

So I work for a Dr's office and I used to love my jobs. One of my co workers is completely schitzo and bipolar with her moodiness. One minute she loves me and wants me to be her bestest bud, the next, she hates my guts and treats me like the lowest form of organism ever to have crawled out of the primordial ooze. Not that she's smart enough to know what the word Primordial means!

** Warning, I spell sh*t wrong all the time just to roast peoples grammar marshmallows. I refuse to use spell check.***

so from one technical position I moved on to the reception. I don't like it. flat out. but... I'm trying. I ... bleh. anyway, I have a bunch of sh*t to say and that'll come soon ..

so welcome.. to the new blog of L.

Warning.. may causing uncontrollable karate chops.