Wednesday, January 2, 2008

Death of a black patent Pump


Today I mourn a family member. A trend setter. A modern introduction of the classic itself.

Today, My 5 year old black patent pumps (the first ever bought from Torrid in the Brea Mall in california) died. The right heel is no longer 4 full inches. It’s now only 2. maybe 2 ½ if lucky.

That’s right folks; my favorite heels … are dead.

*cue Italian Mafioso wife wails and screams*

I should have known they were on their last leg! I should have known this was the end. But of course, par with my own natural selfishness, I ignored the pain they inflicted on my feet today. I ignored the swelling of the balls of my feet and the sharp tinge in my heels. I ignored the unnatural wiggling of the heel on that right foot… until, walking to Noj’s car tonight to go home…


The right heel split in two. I felt Handicapped. GIMPY as my politically incorrect (yet absolutely hilarious) friend said. I now walked with a gangsta lean to the car, to the door .. and even half way up the stairs of my house before it occurred to me to take the carcasses off of my stocking’d feet. L


Those shoes took me into my first nightclub in Scottsdale. Those shoes got me many a’ looks and even waggling eyebrows at my heart shaped calves. Those shoes… got me laid. I wore them to work, to the club, even to a funeral once. Which I might admit I looked sexy at all times. It’s mandatory you know.

They survived night after night of clubbing, day after day of telemarketing, administrative assisting, receptioning, collecting, accounting and whatever other half assed job I was doing at the time. They survived my mutilating their original look!

Yes! At one point, I was abusive! I admit it! I bought them with maryjane satin ribbon ties that went across the high arch of the top of my foot. Just below the ankle. After a few years of this cutesy style, I ruthlessly cut off those satiny ties! Those that had been chewed and therefore shortened by my cat!

Do I regret it!? NO!

But today… today I regret their passing into shoe heaven. I’ll miss you TORRID BLACK PATTENT SATIN TIE PUMP.

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