aftermath

so i'm done with her. she called me to tell me the next morning and all i could do was play it off as if i didn't know. i pretended as the anger built up.

you have to understand...

round 1:

i woke up one morning in the old condo to find my little sister sick to her stomach and scared shitless. she's tellin me she thinks she might be pregnant. she has a boyfriend named billy. but while she was just starting a relationship with him, she was finishing up with her fuckfest with a disgusting 36 year old man who's daughter she babysitted.

so what do i do? i lecture her then take her to walgreens to get her prego test.



I rush her home, i crack it open, i stand by as she pees on it. we wait. I"M the one who checks it. yep... she's not only pregnant but the damned plus sign bar is the first to pop up. no confusion possible.

I take her to barnes & nobles, get her pregnancy books. I tell her she needs to tell her family. for some reason she tells her mother and our sister D that they are the only ones who know. not even me. which makes no sense and makes me feel kinda like shit. but ... she's my lil sis and i'm stickin to her.

I take her to baby's R us. we have a looksee at all that she can get. she's confused. not sure what to do. her mom... "you need to weigh out your life and what will happen if you keep it" my sister D "abortion is wrong".

me: "You need to do what's right for you as its your life, your body and your decision. you cannot let others make it for you and you have to face that. you and you alone will make this decision. let me know what you decide."

her: "I'm keepin it!" ... wait... "I can't keep it!"

it just gets worse. she finally decides to abort it. I tell her i'll go with her so she doesnt go alone. NO she says...

Instead she cries and begs my sister D to go with her. not only is this going against every moral fiber in D's being but she's 4 months pregnant and already showing. but Jenny doesnt want me or her mom. she wants D only.

so reluctantly D agrees to accompany her to her abortion.

My older sister and I had to witness the pain, the blood the horrific view of the ultrasound and then the death. they gave her 2 pills. 1 to initiate 1 to finish the job to take later. She has the abortion in my older sister's loft in her house. in pain, on the floor in a lil makeshift bed.

i freak out standing by with the news as its extremely dangerous for her as she's soo small.

D and I have frayed nerves and have to walk around with this horrible secret on our souls hidden from jenny's father. He can never know. if he did, he'd kill her.

to this day... he knows nothing. its been 5 months.

my sister d is now about to have a baby.... less than 2 weeks now... she's about to burst. and we find that Jen ... is pregnant again.
3.5 months to be exact. which means she did not take her birth control like she was supposed to and she did not learn her lesson from the first round and she did not keep her promises to D and I to wait. Instead... less than 2 months after the abortion, she's not only having sex but is pregnant and not telling a soul.

she says its billy. but i know its not because i know billy and he was done with her long before this.

so who's is it?

who cares...

what i care about is the fact that my older sister feels so incredibly betrayed and the moral burden on her soul has just collapsed onto her. she cant stop crying. she's breaking down. she feels so alone and angry at jen and she has every right to.

sooo... thats it. Jen's on my shit list and i have no remorse. may she learn her lessons the hard way and may her mother who's decided to pretend like the abortion that she had no problem with never happened, witnesses the pain and disgrace that D and I did.

Jenny is no longer our problem and I no longer care about her stupid childish games.

and you wonder why i can't find peace?

wel not anymore.